Overthinking

It's amazing how often I read things *exactly* when I need them. I think a large reason for that is that I'm driven by my emotions and find it easy to empathize with others, so I really understand what the writer is saying. But today's reading really hit the nail on the head.

An Open Letter to the Introverted Overthinker

I've been overthinking for the last few weeks, and it's been rough. My therapist always says that progress is a rollercoaster, and I've been on the downswing for longer than I'd like. One of the parts that spoke to me the most was this:

I’ve experienced those long, painful nights when I was torn between wanting to be alone and wanting to be held while I share everything running through my mind.

I was reading this, screaming in my head, "YES! Someone finally gets it! OMG yes. This. This right here. YAAAAAAAAAAS." I can't remember if I've talked about this here or if I've journaled about it, so forgive me if this is a repeat. It's so hard to be a single introvert. Don't get me wrong; I know that everyone has struggles in different areas, and they're all valid; struggle is struggle, regardless of how "big" or "small" you think it is. But for me, this is the toughest. I feel like I'm single *because* I'm an introvert. It's hard to meet people. I have friends that can just go out and start talking to anyone they see. That's amazing to me. One guy I know can literally go into a bar alone and leave with ten new friends. But put me at a party with people that I have met before, and unless I have someone committed to staying by my side the whole time, I'm gonna feel awkward and uncomfortable and count down the minutes til I can leave. Obviously this isn't always the case, and it changes based on my surroundings and who I'm with, but the point is that it's a struggle. It's hard to meet new people.

Whoa. That went way off the point I wanted to write about. Let's circle back. The last few weeks have been particularly tough for me. I've had a ton of different emotions and feelings swirling around. I've been over-the-moon happy and want-to-crawl-in-a-hole-and-die upset. I've been lonely. I've been optimistic. I've felt stupid. I've beaten myself up for being so open to new experiences, because in the end, I always get hurt. Always. It's why I've worked so hard to protect myself. I let people in, but don't get too close! I can count on one hand the number of people I can TRULY trust with every thought in my head. Trust me, there have been some shameful ones lately. Things I wouldn't want to admit to anyone. I've done more journaling in the last few weeks than the entire first half of the year, because I can get things out (#2 in the article - write it out!).

Oddly enough, now that I've written this out, I don't know that I want to share it. But I will. I'm tired of overthinking things. It leads to a lot of pain and heartache that I don't need. I'm currently hurting because of it, and it's going to be awhile before I'm completely over this. Time and distance are my two best friends right now, for certain things. I don't often reach out to people and say, "I *really* need to be around people right now," because HELLO - I'm an introvert. We like solitude. But when I'm in pain, I need comfort (#1 in the article), and that comfort will come from others. From keeping busy. From not letting myself overthink. So if you want to do any of the following, reach out! I'm game.

• hiking (Stone Mountain, north Georgia mountains, etc)
• tubing
• Braves game (Atlanta or Gwinnett)
• game night (board games, card games, video games... I don't care)
• bowling
• Six Flags
• movie under the stars
• almost anything that is free

Or if you have other ideas, let me know. Help me keep busy!